flesh and bone

Before God...never forgotton.

flesh and bone...we face our fears not with Armani pants and Prada shoes, not with painted faces or fashion flash.
we face our fears humbled and dependent on Great Light, Extreme Love, King of the lost and broken. Jesus Jesus Jesus...you are our Holy Father and Warrior King come to set us free from slavery.

set us free.
we are unable, but willing.
broken, but not destroyed.

loss

Am I having feelings, or what?
Let’s see…
Loss feels like a sunburn that lingers and burns and stings and laughs at my attempts for beauty.
I attempted to live a life with a man that could in no way offer me true love and/or safety.
How did this happen?

Sure, feelings are often a blurring of reality. But that does not take the sting away.
If I could take the hours, days, months, years away and return to life before Joe, would I?
Of course, I have no way of knowing. All I have is today, yesterday is gone.

I want so desperately to know safety again. To wake up and not have this stinging and sorrow. Why does it hurt so much?

Ok. I chose to divorce this man who hurt me. Not only that. But, I chose to wait two and half long years for a “sign” that it was ok with God to do so. I did feel this. I am grateful that it came.

However, now I face incredible loneliness and loss. Sure, the loss is a broken marriage, but still, the loss of dreams is real too.

As a child, I didn’t dream of what marriage would be like. I had no dreams of what a wedding day would look like. So, when it happened it stunned me. I feel like I haven’t lost so much dreams of wedding days, but companion tomorrows.